Random jibber-jabber

Hey please handle my phone carefully it's 30 thousand bucks. 

I got a new bag just for 4 thousand

What would you know, have you ever been in an international flight?

Well I don't care if it's 2000 I'm buying it

Yeah! I know these chola tastes great but it's nothing like what I had in Dubai, when I visited it, Dubai! I visited , Dubai!

Who shows off Visiting Dubai right? Dude I've been to Australia and I must tell you I'm not gonna show off about it. Even though I stayed in a 5 star hotel and travelled business class.

He's obviously rich look at his spects, atleast 8 thousand it must be, Ray Ban

Sounds familiar? Is it you or the guy next to you ? Ever heard any of these or said something like this?

In the age of advancement we live in, we're somehow programmed to stereotype people based on the money their parents have Or the place where they belong to or the language they speak.

And I'll be lying if I'd say I'm not a part of this vicious instinct of stereotyping people.

And who are we kidding we are all money minded people. And everyone's showing off the money they haven't even earned and in some cases money they don't even have.

I wasn't finished learning all the Hindi words yet and somehow NOT knowing Hindi is the new status symbol. A very much known class of people who feel superior to others just because they don't know the language of their own nation.

Well, if you look closely to a typical conversation between people whether its a couple of friends, lovers, or colleagues you'll find a real life Santa-Banta joke. Each trying to demean other showing off or just disagreeing to what one says. A conversation at work is basically a highly encrypted exchange of information/view/opinion which would be framed very precisely as it passes on from one ear to another.

Whether you're in school or college or office or in a train or at a bus stop, the truth is you're being judged at every moment. The way you stand, walk , talk, your ideas, your dress up and we are all a part of this we pass our judgement about someone based on the way we want them to be. 

From the age of 18 to 28 all sorts of problem most of us have could be solved with money: How to get a girlfriend? How to get into a decent college? How to buy Royal Enfield? How to earn more money? How to feel good about oneself?

Yes! the answer to everything from the day you start living to the day you die: Big Bucks

And then you grow up and realize now the question is; Do you have money?

And the answer ironically is another question: How much?

From showing off the money you haven't earned you end up showing off the money you did earn. Or in some cases it's just a legacy passed on. 

But are we meant to do this? Or in the fear of losing the race we think life is we just find ways to make ourselves feel better.

When you have to sit in a cubicle for an entire day with nothing to do you start observing people, their actions, reactions, and what not.
And you start thinking all sort of crap.

Is this going to change?
Or is it the way it's always gonna be?
And then you look at your family, relatives, friends, their family and their friends, and random people walking on the road and random people sleeping on the road,
And realize...
It's never gonna change.

P.S.- That's what a motivational speech to earn money and start working hard sounds like.
Self five

The Truth Teller

                       Change-O-Phobia

With the development of intellectual stability in a human mind we begin to understand and create hypothesis of our own. However, being a part of a country with several languages,  religions,  and beliefs we are induced with the regressive beliefs followed by centuries of generations scared of a very basic procedure "Change"

Change in each form is resisted and is objectionable even if someone else does it.  We come from a lovable society  all that, what's wrong is with the things we love like infanticide, dowry or you know 33 crore gods.

We say we are democratic we have our basic rights reserved but somehow we are slaves to our own "Culture".  Now It might sound hard to hear but keeping all those sentiments aside "Society (comprising of our relatives) isn't always right".

We belong to a generation who grow a conscience of their own at a very early age and believe in the concept of change. Whether it's the right to choose our own life partners or the ability to believe in any form of God we reserve our rights to do so.  However this is considered as an influence from Western culture and is resisted in every possible way by our Change-O-Phobic society.

All that matters is we're lagging socially.  There's an entire generation that's living a life from several generations back and then there are we people who are willing to move forward.

We need a changeable society. 
"When a lot of people start believing in the same thing it is assumed to be a fact but if there's more people who believe in the contrary, creates alternate beliefs. "

Because,
"Rigid thoughts lead to Concrete decisions. And change is nothing but a series of correct decisions. "

How to get a "Girlfriend". (What not to do)

CHAPTER 2

You might also wanna read http://ironiceuphoria.blogspot.in/2016/11/how-to-get-girlfriend-what-not-to-do.html

This chapter is a story about a guy who fell for a girl and got her.
It all starts with that day when he first saw her on a bus stop she was walking with a couple of her friends and totally minding her own business. The moment he saw her, he felt that someone has stepped right on his heart, he felt a little pain going through his chest right down his spine it was weird and beautiful But soon he realized it was his friend who had punched him right there. (I know, bad joke right?). His friend just asked him to check her out to which our guy had the classic "Bhabhi hai teri" response which eventually means he is in love.

A week passed and everyday he used to stare at her in all possible ways which was not making her uncomfortable, like at all. she used to think, Wow! strange guy staring continuously without blinking its like a dream come true. (Certainly not a good one).

The next day when she was passing he said something gross about her and started singing a song about how she should do stuffs he would like and they should go somewhere alone and do stuffs nobody would get to know of. (You'll never figure out the song). Ironically the girl liked the fact that he tried to embarrass himself and was trying to show off his so low self esteem that she agreed to go out with him but eventually it didn't work out and they'd have to break up.

So, one day when our guy was all high and drunk, he was out with his friends who were also drunk and high. Somehow they got to talking about how the girl broke his heart and how sad he was since then, and that he had to drink and do nothing all day but lie around which was almost similar to what he used to do before but now it's different because now he has someone to blame it upon. During all of this discussion someone had the craziest idea, "Why don't you call her and abuse her".
 The most manly thing one could ever think of (of course that's the penis talking) was calling a girl after drinking and getting rid of your frustration.

Now, for all those who find this story stupid or gross or unreal I appreciate you.
Yes, the story of this guy is nothing but stupid & gross & unreal but what's that's real is whether you're a guy or a girl that we all have seen a guy like this and we've all witnessed such incidents and did nothing about it. So, next time you meet someone like this tell them in high pitched and clear words,

LESSON 2:  Don't be that guy. Every single statement in this story is something you shouldn't do if you want to get a girlfriend.

What If?! (A Tiny Tale)

That night there was an epiphany.
He had a cricket match against Pakistan the next day.
He stopped for a bit and a couple of minutes later made a ISD call again on the same cellphone number.
"Yeah?! What happened?" she asked worryingly.
He thought for a moment and consciously asked, "Will you marry someone whose life is of a size of kit bag?".

A heartbeat skipped. She gasped and replied with joy, "Yes. Of course you idiot! I've been waiting for you to say this for so long!"

And this time it was a slightly different MSD story than the one we all know about.

Its an alternate route which could have been possible for MSD's life. May be he couldn't stop the mishap which was going to happen the next day, but he could have definitely saved himself from the burden of not saying what she wanted to hear.
Often there are times in our lives when we don't say what we are meant to. We make decisions we regret later. We get succumbed either by our ambitions, routine, obligations, responsibilities and what not. In this chain of events we sometimes forget what makes us happy and what will actually stay with us.
But having those choices made already, we later think what could have been possible if we took the alternate route.

"What if I didn't opt this route?"

"What if I simply trusted my instincts and went with the flow to say it all?"

More than anything else, we regret that we made someone wait to hear those words and one day we realize that its too late now.
When we go through this line of thought, we learn a lot about the tricks life plays with us.

The tiny story depicted above asks us to be reciprocative and too believe in our intuitions. If it feels right, why wait? Trust me, there will never be a time when you feel you're ready for it. The point is to say what you feel before it's too late.

English Vinglish

This post is strictly meant for humor and if you find it offensive in any sense please stop doing such stuff that I get to make fun of you.

BASED ON REAL EVENTS

I know the title here is copied but I haven't seen the film and this post would be nothing like it.
We live in a country of 22 official languages English being one of them. I know it and I'm self aware of the fact that I am no master of the language neither I'm going to mock those who aren't that good with it. But, somehow from various incidents that I've witnessed, I have got this idea that we aren't just communicating in English we are defecating in it too.

So, all I'm gonna do is point out some stuffs we say to sound 'cool' on a daily basis and make fun of those who do it.

We people do a no. of experiments and a lot of various stuffs to sound KEWL, however, I do not understand that what's so kewl about WrItiNg LiKe ThIs As If YoUr CaPsLoCk Is MaStUrBaTiNg.
May be there's a lot I do not understand but I do understand that the primary task of a language is to communicate and how I understand but you speak in words jumble my feel like me head struck in someone's large fucking ass.

Social media is a hub of people trying to pretend what they are not and failing it pretty bad at it. I feel sad for people who are struggling so hard that one day they wake up and had to post something like:

Also you get to witness a series of epic fails where all people like me would do is sit back stare at it and smile.

Enclosing I'd like to say I don't even know why I posted this. These are some weird stuff from my head I observe and pass away.

People reading this, I have a serious request to make,

Next time when you see someone showing off their not so cool swag and you find it pretty sick and crappy, please DUNN do anything

Sit back, stare and smile.

Weird post signing off.

Stay tuned

How to get a "Girlfriend". (What not to do)

CHAPTER 1

Just a couple days back I came across this article which explained a dozen different  ways to get me a 'girlfriend'. And well, I read a couple of them and realized we're all being fooled by such people. So, here I am with a real time and practical approach on "How to get a Girlfriend".

Consider there's this single, desperate & horny guy who wants to get a girlfriend so bad that he googled this How to get a girlfriend and first line as a reply google gave was, "Ask her to be your girlfriend."

So, we people are quite followers of google you know we just follow it blindly. Google was like listen there's more to it but he's like "tune bola na bas, kaam ho jayga".

So the next day our guy went straight on to her and asked her to be his girlfriend as if he was asking for Syska LED. ( And i quote... 'Ask for syska'). 

And I'd be not writing this if the dating culture I've seen was this simple.

Let me give you the real picture now.

our single horny guy who has got a crush on a girl ,wait.. that doesn't sound right!.. Yeah, here it is;

Our single horny guy who has got a crush on the profile picture of a girl tends to commence a "GF-BF" relationship with the actual girl guess what did he does first, he went to a group of his other single and horny guy friends and brags about how good the profile picture is.

OK, if you think that doesn't make any sense, listen to this.

Then all these other single guys form an alliance with a sole mission to get their brother like friend the love of his life, the profile picture. Now, every master plan to get a girlfriend I've known, starts from facebook followed by instagram and if this chain successfully ended at whatsapp guys could hear " I'm gonna get laid" bells. 

And then one day our guy gathers the courage to send her a message on the contact number he acquired from official database and the moment she replies the "bhabhi" word starts to catch up and all sorts of arrangements are made, plans are commenced starting from her birthday to new year and valentines day.

For all those people out there who're wondering what happened, the profile picture of the girl said, "WHO'S THIS?"

So, this bring us to the conclusion;

LESSON 1: If you've done anything stated above I have just one strong recommendation for you. DON'T.
And for all those who were smart enough we've a lot in the closet for you.

Stay tuned

The Truth Teller (2)

 THE PERFECT "White"

Staring at a blank page I was fascinated by the clarity of my blank brand new notebook. A blank white page. So white that it could charm your eyes and could gather your undistributed attention. may be that was the entire role of using such white. Yet a yellowish tint was visible. And so, I bought another notebook costlier that the previous .Wow! that was fascinating. Staring at the clear skin of its pages a slight bluish tilt was observed. And over & over again I bought a million similar books and looked for the white a million million times. Mesmerized by what I realized I couldn't digest but admit, even though every copy had what I was looking for all I could see was that little tilt towards what's not white.

Being a non-believer in the entire concept of praying before idols myself, I realised that we all have something godly within us, its our mind that doesn't allow to make us look past what's not white.
#TheTruthTellerSays In real life, there exists no perfect white just like there exist no perfect god. All you have to do is get past what's not white & you'll see all that is true and all that is godly in human.

Of course there's a lot I haven't said yet but that's the beauty of comments people. If you have any questions/queries/problems you want to be answered, just write them below and get to know what the  #TheTruthTellerSays.

The Truth Teller (1)

The Difference Between 'Good' & 'Bad'

Walking down the street, I just came past this quote and I’ve heard it a million times before, yet again somehow in the midst of my path these words just hit me like a truck. A girl in her early 20s, screamed; “Why do Bad things always happen to good people”. Now, I just turned back to look at her face and couldn’t resist to answer but I couldn’t. The thing is, we, humans are very circumstantial people. Same words carrying same context and a similar meaning would “mean” totally something else when said in two different circumstances. Coming back to what is good and what is bad.

 Nothing that happens around you is good or bad. It’s circumstantial and highly subjective. Same thing could be good for you but bad for someone else. Let’s just say there are two people, one super smart and gifted and other hard working and dedicated stood against each other in a competition. Yet a third guy who’s got connections in ministry won. Is it a bad thing? Let’s talk about the third opinion here. If being hard working or being gifted is a talent having connections with people is too a virtue. Human have adapted this tendency to somehow melt & reform everything as per their good & bad. Of course I don’t support the fact that hard workers and gifted people shouldn’t win but somebody else winning for any cause isn’t bad.

So people #TheTruthTellerSays, let’s just cut the prejudice and start living like everything is good and was meant to be.

Of course there's a lot I haven't said yet but that's the beauty of comments people. If you have any questions/queries/problems you want to be answered, just write them below and get to know what the  #TheTruthTellerSays

How to write Placement Status

So, campus recruitment drives, feels like big billion days of college. Discount on attendance and that damn competition for getting a job. Well, eventually some get it some don't. A person placed in a company with a hundred others like him from his own college and to be precise a 74999 more overall, when gets an average job feels happy and he should be because out of  1.5 million people like him graduating every year these 75K are the ones who at least are "placed". I think you people are now getting where I'm heading towards. An average graduate gets an average job and updates his status on a social networking, and its a good thing to do but its not what he did its the way he did, it was more like joey speaking french. So, here I am providing you all with the most exclusive tutorial of all time. Totally one of its kind

 How to write Placement Status

#PLACED #NameOFTheCompany
A useless quote on hard work or patience or being optimistic or I don't know just mix all these words and make a line by yourself. 
//Here's a fact now, out of every 100 who saw  your post, 80 pressed that like button, 30 were those who actually read it after the above two hashtags, out of those 30, 20 were placed with you and were searching their name in it so, this quote its something that no one will give a damn about. and I'm telling you if you would have read it a week ago you would have been like "WTF! Who does that!".//

Now, You start thanking people for their support. And of course you have to start with your parents for either supporting you or believing in you or trusting or giving you money and never asking where the fuck you've been spending it or you know just mix all these words and make a line by yourself. 
// There's quite a possibility that you're parents are not on the following social networking site and there's very very slight possibility that you haven't even told them yet. I mean results were announced, you got placed one thing led to another, you might have forgotten, no big deal. But, you got to thank them first because the day they'll create an account on this social hub and the day they'll actually see your post, the first person you thanked were them. Damn! they're lucky.//


After parents you can either thank your faculties or your friends, depending upon who taught you for hours, worked really really hard for you, answered your fucking stupid doubts. And lets just say you have faculties who do that so thank them but of course you won't know more then a couple of names, don't panic. You had seniors, remember!. So copy paste names from over there and mention each name with a tidy #.
//Well you could have thanked them in person but this would have a greater impact. They might not have realize how thankful you are when you actually say that right in front of their faces, your eyes looking straight into their eyes, your smile staring in their face. NO! this is not a polite way. You should tag them with a #Name and write good about them this will certainly make them feel very special that you took some time to actually type initial 4 letters of their name. Damn! you're good.//

Now comes the next category- Friends. I know you want to mention each of your friend and I know that too, whatever the fish I write here you'll do it. So, do it. Mention each every friend's name with our favorite # and forget why we actually it was used but does that really matter. You're placed.
// So in this race of mentioning more friends and getting placed the first thing is, you don't tag people and thank them for their support who haven't accomplished the latter. You remember those 20 people who didn't liked your post that was because they fucking blocked you. I mean there was this guy who didn't got placed and got tagged in a dozen of posts whose first line starts with #placed. Now, this guy spent an entire day attending phone calls of people congratulating him and he was telling all of them that he wasn't placed and at the end of the day was like, I am gonna fuck some serious asses today. But on some level he deserved it, because he was one of those who used to send these candy crush requests that Son of a bitch had a day.

 Now you need to end this shit you can thank some random friend of yours for his motivation because he/she randomly called you once on a random day turned out you had interview that day and that random conversation you had in your mind somewhere you feel like your entire interview was based on that 2 min of filthy crap.
After this use a #GodlyCatchyPhrase to thank god for making it come true because deep deep down your heart you always knew, with the load full of crap collected in your head since last three years only almighty can get you placed.

Let's Envision the certainities

Some things are so obvious, so certain that we never bother to even look at them, at every stage of life, every moment we live we have those things, we see those things, we feel them, we just love to be a part of them, but so heedless to actually get them, understand them. Well!! It’s getting quite filthy, so let’s get that straight.
We meet a no. of people literally “A LOT of” in our massively miniature lifetime and among those we can gossip on about all of them, we face bundles of assets & circumstances. At a stage it feels like everything’s just slipping out of our hands, while sometimes we feel like “The king of The world” but all what we recall are “those embarrassing moments and why god’s been so rude to me” thing. We never  see, we never give a glance at what’s actually real, something that’s True, we just love live in an abstract and hypothetical world of ours, where we “CREATE” people,  “CREATE” circumstances and then we try to live them, transform them into real world, and that is where we are actually uncertain about reality, we aren’t living but pretending to be a Happy Go lucky guy who never gives a damn and blah blah blah. Actually, we’re cooking things up, and let me tell you all of that cooked up stuff is always made in a chamber of pessimism.
What I feel is everything we see, we feel, is certain, up to a certain instant and up to a certain deadline. In this world of realities lies a world of philosophies, a world where we think, we imagine things, but we don’t imagine realities, where we don’t imagine certainties, But that’s what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna envision Certainties
It is a fact that out of every 10 people about 9 feels that they are having a very special and unique characteristic of “Nit picking”. They feel good, criticising people, finding errors in them, in their attitude, their features, even the way they walk, talk, eat, sit, & I guess if they’ll get the opportunity they can even tell you how to pee in a proper way too. Such people feel that what, they do is something very correct and instead of being critic they call themselves “Mr. Perfectionists”. Now among such people we've got two categories.
Staring,” Shit on you face” type, these type of people get the shit straight to your face. Like, it’s a normal day, everything’s just going good and suddenly a person comes to you and he’s like a 6 feet tall guy staring right into your eyes,
“hey!! Dude, you've got these new shoes.”
“Yup, 450 bucks”
“Disgraceful!, my friend’s got them for 250  you’re twitted buddy”
And I’m like, why is it so, that every time I deal a thing  your friend gets the same shit and it isn't enough, every time he buys a thing, all what he does is, “Call you to boast about what he bought”. OK! Let us consider he's either crazy for you or he's just a big admirer of your taste and marketing skills, but how it that's "None of my business". such conversations basically ends with a huge "Whatever", or "hmm".
Now, these kind of shitters are not that bad, because the best part of their shitting phenomenon is, it is a open and voluntary process. "Passengers are Only responsible for their belongings". These shitters have got that If you shit on my face I will shit back attitude and they call it "Instant feedback". Still, such shitters are much better than our second type of shitters.
Now, the second are most interesting type, basically found as women, but now-a-days this type is spreading rapidly among men. And these are “Lets shit together” type, they are kind of very dangerous people & they just "love shitting", they haven’t got that moxie, that courage, to speak up on your face, in front of you, they can become your dearest envies, admirers, and even they can call themselves your best friends, but as I told you they just LOVE shitting. Now people even call them backstabbers but they aren’t,

basically such people can just” shit”. And since they can’t do it on your face they’ll do this either with another personality or their favourite “Group shitting”. Now simply shitting with another person is so common for them but all what they enjoy is group shitting. It’s like, on a normal day, a bunch of friends hanging out,
“Bro, I need to tell you something.”
As you know these are typical cowards and can’t get the shit straight they always mold the asses.
“What’s up bro”
Now the one who’s the closest  to our leading shitter, always gets concerned and becomes the first to ask what the matter is.
“Let it be. I can’t”
Now our leading shitter plays smart, to fetch the attention of every nigga towards him. And in a moment everybody present there is looking at his face to get the shit out of him, and after a serious session of “Yes's” and “no’s” our leading shitter presents the shit in the best possible way to all the niggas.
“You know what, that guy so and so, he was trying to ablaze me against you and blah blah blah.
So, being the leading shitter, he shits turning and twisting but soon he convince everybody present over their to shit along & Soon, all of them start shit a shitting ceremony, and try to criticise about every single moment they had with that a guy who's so worthy that an entire session of hangout became not more than a public lavatory and at the end we have "A lot of shit".
So, all what I meant was life’s full of such shitters, they criticise you on every single step you take, all what you need to do is,
“Make sure you aren’t one of them.”
Because it’s all about how you look at thing, how you envision them, whether what you feel is closely related to reality or not, coz’ at the end of the day it’s all about how you Envision the Certainties.

Charismatic in her breeches

 Charismatic in her breeches

It was a misty world, everything around was light less, sooty & shaded, when a divine fluorescent illuminated & eliminated every imperfection & that was none else than “Women”. Women, the most cherished & at the same time most neglected populace of human history. From the generation of saris to the present era of tops & breeches they had been charismatic everywhere. From raising their little angels to a level of professionals, to rising themselves at the same level and beyond one can even conceive.

21^st century which is regarded as the century of advancement & in India, every field we have been working upon has developed a lot, except a few, among them the most blazing topics for heating up the parliament is strengthening & safety of women. Women who have been outstanding everywhere from being in houses as mothers to leading a multinational companies or a country as president quite commendably. They have been tremendous everywhere.

A phrase goes like, “behind every great man there exists a great woman”, but the present scenario has got something for women too i.e. “Behind every weeping woman there exists a brutal man”.

According to Sir Mark Henry-

There are only three things to be done with a woman. You can love her, suffer for her, or turn her into literature.

We belong to India, a country who has been in top form in touch with women manhandling .Some of the milestones are also laid by us in this field, “just take a trip to Delhi”. No matter of a no. of policies and guidelines issued by Indian govt. women are always criticised and taken down, and batch of insane activities are hidden under a huge blanket of “TRADITION”. “Sati-pratha”, “jauhar”, “Veeramasti” etc. they were nothing more than harassment to women. They still use to do it and who knows, in the remote areas it’s still going on.

Being in their saris they did everything their culture, their tradition demanded and yes they were charismatic, but now, it’s an age of breeches they will remain the same, their charisma will remain the same but now they will rise, to tell the world that they owe respect, they aren’t those dependent creatures who need a guy to walk behind them to safeguard them, they will fight against unacceptable acts, because if they can infuse life in you they have got that right and power to take it, all they need is a self introspection and a bit of proper vision

 People like us who are actually concerned about this should spread awareness to terminate overenthusiastic manhandling of women. There are a no. of guidelines for women which provide them complete rights against any type of maltreatment, all what one need to do is, “just go & tell them about it”.
As we know, women are as significant as men are, so preserving & respecting them is not only our duty but a human and vulnerable responsibility too.

For every women who can’t take a stand-

 “A time will come when the risk to remain tight in the bud will be more painful than the risk to blossom”.